Currently Crushing On

8.6.16

The Girl Boy Thing




Male-Female frienships are a tricky subject right? I've seen the clever little quips about women who prefer the company of men, the implied promiscuity, but for me personally some occasions call for a straight answer. Preferably over a straight whisky. I've always preferred the company of males from an early age. My childhood friendship group was made up of an almost entirely male cohort. A fact which had more to do with the geographical limitations of my family home rather than any pre-pubescent sexual urges - The "you show me yours and I'll show you mine" incidents were passably infrequent. As I've grown up and my world has expanded beyond the small village I call "home," I have established female friendships. Many of these have reached an almost sisterly intimacy whilst a few were terminated on the grounds of toxicity through proximity for the following reasons

In recent years, perhaps the last one in particular, I began to identify that the key component of many of my same-sex friendships was the element of Schadenfreude - the revelation in the misfortune of others. I suddenly became aware that the sort of conversations that you would expect to be whispered behind  the cupped hands of children were instead being discussed over dinner and drinks by grown women. Right in front of me, individuals were picking over the carcass of other peoples lives, other peoples misfortunes and mistakes and it made me lose my appetite. It began to strike me as distasteful, a gross misuse of our time and a degeneration of my own nature on the occasions that I chose to involve myself with it. Because I was not a saint. After a while I started to feel uncomfortable when these type of conversations inevitably cropped up and they cropped up a lot. Screenshots of conversations, of facebook statuses, photos of womens make-up and bodies were all shared and sniggered over, torn apart and feasted upon. It made me feel sick

Sure I wanted to talk about women, women who inspired us not women we harbored tenuous grudges against. I wanted to talk about the universe and rainforests and how we perceive love. I wanted to plan adventures and discuss poetry and books we'd read. I wanted to talk about foreign countries, the times we've had our hearts broken, our happiness, our memories and what makes us tick. Our shared and our differing experiences and suddenly I found myself having the majority of these conversations with my male friends. Of course this post massively generalises and men and women are very different from person to person but personally I was seeing a pattern in the interactions that came without a sneer or a scathing remark, with laughter that didn't come at anyone else's expense or misfortune. They came from the men in my life. That is why I have come to value my male friendships equally if not more than my same sex ones. Equally, whilst I'm comfortable enough to admit to that and to brush of the tediously inevitable sexual connotations of such a statement, actually to apply this distaste to all of my female friendships would be inaccurate, unfair and equally reminiscence of the toxic nature of those I have chosen to leave behind

I hold on to a few and I hold them close, the ladies that the above fortunately does not apply to. But usually, inevitably and more frequently my time is spent with male friends. Perhaps its simply that I find men fascinating, because even when we share the same conclusion rarely have we taken the same path to reach it. They pass fewer words and less judgement preferring instead to simply say "Listen Milly" before heading straight to a point that I had chosen to ignore in my childish way. They are my friends, my brothers, my teachers and more often than not, my drinking companions and for that I love them




4 comments:

  1. I have a lot of female friends, but I used to have a really close male friend. Sadly, his new wife doesn't really get our friendship and so he's drifted off. It's made me really sad, because he recently got married, and not only was I not invited to the wedding, but he didn't even tell me it was happening. :(

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  2. Love this post. I have a lot of female friends but totally agree about the "bitchyness" you can get with some of them. I'm lucky that most of mine aren't like that (in fact they are lovely) but unfortunately it is a trait I see more with women, and have never experienced it with Men. I really enjoy male companionship as like me they are straight talking and to the point.

    Leah x
    www.devotedtopink.com

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  3. I love this post because I totally agree with your points. I have some amazingly strong, sisterly friendships that quite honestly, I couldn't live without. But I also find the problem with girls is exactly as you've said - the sly undertones and ease of picking over other peoples lives and problems is off-putting and distressing. I'm fortunate to have male and female friends and both offer different types of friendship - which I am happy with. Loved this post and you articulated my own thoughts better than I could! xx

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  4. Loved this post, I am like you in the sense that I prefer male company over females. I do have few female friends and they are similar to me, we don't like talking about other people or belittling anyone, we share the same mindset which isn't frequently found where everyone likes to find something to dislike about each other.


    www.zekalin.com

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