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How to deal with Trolls

I was browsing though the numerous videos of my cat on my phone this morning (honestly there are hundreds I should get help, or at least a better data plan) when I stumbled across this saved Snapchat video from last year. I actually recall what prompted my little 10 second rant, maybe I was just in one my frequent sassy moods, maybe I just needed an excuse to capture a good brow day via the medium of video (I know, they look fab) but seeing it pop up made me think about the internet world we live in and how some people chose to utilise this tool for hate

When I was little a "troll" was something that hid under the bridge and tried to eat the Billy Goats Gruff as they attempted to reach the infinitely desirable grass on the other side. These days they're much the same but an unfortunately much more real facet of life on the web. Hiding under their keyboards trying to kill the spark of creativity and expression for those us brave enough to venture out into the green pasture of the internet. I'm sick of seeing my beautiful innovative peers beaten down by some bitter cretin with a keyboard and a major case of inferiority complex

As someone who spends most of their waking hours of the internet I inevitably come across opinions that differ from my own. Some make me mildly irate; others make me want to bang my head against a brick wall. Despite my continued efforts to maintain a negativity-free head-space some stuff does occasionally creep in - I'm not a fucking robot. The difference is that when I see something I don't like, I might mutter under my breath,  I might laugh inwardly at its naivety or its poor execution but that's as far as it goes. I have better things to do. I'm not going to cultivate that negativity energy by taking time out of my day to scatter hate crumbs across the internet. Like a little trail to my own deep-seated insecurities (FYI that's what you're doing when you type nasty shit, sorry to break it to you) 

So how do we deal with them?

First up I think it's important to say that you shouldn't "deal" with trolls by confronting them directly as these weirdo's thrive on reaction. It's like crack to them

Picture them. Picture their screwed up bitter expression as they tap away on their keyboard, eyes narrowing as they scroll through your feed choking themselves on hate and envy. Picture them wasting precious minutes of their life typing out poorly constructed criticisms. Picture them going about their day after their little stalking session (if they even have a life outside of being a keyboard slug) imagine them missing out on the last parking space, imagine them running to Starbucks only to find it just closed, imagine them tripping on a loose pavement slab and face planting the floor. Karma. Karma has your back

Don't attempt to reason with them either, you really don't have to lower yourself into the gutter just to remonstrate with people whose mind-set and IQ is already there. Wallowing in the slime

Equally don't succumb to trollish behavior in retaliation or you could easily become one yourself. For most trolls the process is gradual, they don't even realise that their descent has begun. The odd snide indirect tweet here, a bitchy quote posted on instagram there, all projections of their own miserable existence. But before you know it all these little behavioral traits have added up and they've become a full blown internet troll. They sit at the laptop in their pants, narrowing their eyes at anyone with a six-pack or the ability to rhyme. Before long their lives are so diffused with negativity that even the common rainbow is looked upon with contempt "fucking show off prick, thinking its better than me up there" 

If you can delete the comments, then delete them. It's not weak, they aren't winning. They've spilled messy negativity all over your beautiful little corner of the internet and you've gotta clean that shit up. If you can't delete them then don't brood, tell someone, tell your friend with the best sense of humour because they're sure to come up with the perfect comeback that you don't need to post but that will make you feel 100% better, Failing that email me, I've got your back

If none of the above tips work then here's my final suggestion. Sit down and work put together a concise business plan, profit projections, key demographics, the lot. Apply to your local bank for a small business loan citing your plan. Use this money to hire a hit-man to have them killed

And this doesn't just apply to us bloggers, anyone can be the target of these mentally deficient fucktards so heed my advice and don't sweat it next time some abject loser tries to throw shade on you


  1. this is interesting, for someone who's new to youtube like myself I haven't had any bad trolling experiences,

  2. Love this blog post, Iv had a few nasty comments from people on instagram and if Im honest it did knock me a little but after reading this Im not going to let there negativity effect me anymore :-) thank you xxx


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