Currently Crushing On

2.10.15

Shit Advice I have been given



Breakfast is the most important meal of the day
Personally I can't stomach food before 10am therefore the most important meal of MY day is the one at 3pm consisting of biscuits and coffee where I get to finally put my feet up. Ok so it's not the most nutritionally important meal of the day but y'know for like... morale and stuff...

The more you exercise the more you'll enjoy it
Nope. I've reached the grand old age of 24 and I still hate it. The same way I forged sick-notes for P.E at school I now forge imaginary ones in my head to get out of early morning runs or gym classes. "I can't get fit today as I have a small scratch on my left shin, Soz." Back to bed

You'll look good with red hair
I didn't. Also it turns out that red tones will stay in your hair and render you unnaturally ginger for a good billion years, 10 years and counting. I'll still be vaguely orange in the grave

This flavoured vodka will taste nice
Ummmm I call bullshit on that one. Said vodka did not taste like Capri sun as I had envisaged, more like battery acid and air wick 

This lingerie is both sexy and practical 
That concept is alien to me. It's either granny pants made of several yards of beige marshmallow-like cotton or small lace instruments of torture which cut into every crease and crevice, severing vital parts of my anatomy

You don't need that 7th Cocktail
But how else will I execute my killer dance moves? That 7th cocktail provides all the dutch courage I require to feel like I'm setting the dancefloor alight even if in reality I just look like I'm having a mild seizure

Has anyone ever given you any terrible advice? Have you ever dyed your hair a ridiculous colour? Have you ever almost died attempting to down half a pint of blueberry vodka?

7 comments:

  1. Omg this was hilarious! "I'll still be vaguely orange in the grave." <3 <3

    http://www.ashleyelizabethbeauty.com

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  2. I have a hard time eating a large breakfast too! I think it is important to eat something in the morning (like a delicious smoothie), but I can't eat a dinner sized breakfast like some people do.

    xo, mikΓ©la / simplydavelyn.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I generally take so long drinking my pre-breakfast 8am coffee that it generally turns into brunch. Mmmm cold coffee πŸ˜‚

      XXXX

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  3. Such a funny post! Love it! Really like your blog too :)

    www.littlekaatie.com

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