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19.8.15

Why Negativity is the answer for some people

I've been thinking recently about what makes people negative. It seems like you can't step outside your door these days without some cretin slating you're outfit or hating on your some other small insignificant detail of your existence. I don't mean people who pass the odd comment, after all human preferences differ and debate is healthy. I'm talking about the leeches of society, those choosing to feed on a diet of pessimism and jealousy channeling their cowardly narrative through social media. The people for whom negativity is a way of life. What triggers them to take time out of their day to post nasty indirect messages on Twitter? What spurs them on in their continuous Instagram hate campaigns for people they barely know? What prevents them from living the happy life of someone unconcerned with what other people are doing When most people are too busy squeezing 100% out of every day to pass judgement on others here is why, for some people, Negativity is the answer




You've "Got Beef but you're Scared"

You've got a problem with someone for some reason (you probably can't even remember why) but it's too much hassle to get out of your PJs, turn off Netflix and leave the house to do something about it right? Besides you're too thick for a war of words and a fist fight would result in blood on your £17.99 dress that cost 4 hours of your minimum-wage. Also you don't want to get a black eye because it won't look good for your 17th Tinder date this month since your boyfriend cheated and left you. You'll never find a decent man at this rate. Decisions, Decisions hey? 

Well why not just post some bullshit passive-aggressive, indirect comment on social media in that case? This also gives you the option to hide behind your screen, thinking up really good replies if it comes to an argument. Maybe even use the thesaurus app to help you because you're a moron? Also don't forget to run away from whoever you're dissing when you see them in public. You weren't counting on them actually calling you out when you bump into them outside Debenhams, when you don't have your keyboard to hide behind


You're Bored of your own shit life

You've watched all the daytime TV you can muster. Besides your shit part time job, all you've got to look forward to today is posting a vague Facebook status about going back to Uni/Moving Abroad/Attempting a bungee jump - anything to try and make yourself sound interesting. In the meantime why not burn a few hours posting negative shit on social media?

Ugh this bitch you hate (but stalk constantly) has done loads this week! She's been out to lunch, she's been shopping, and she’s had her nails done! And all you've done is stalk your ex-boyfriend on Twitter and failed at trying to do winged eyeliner (Girls who wing their eyeliner are desperate whores anyway) Why not post some quotes about how attention seeking she is, drinking her Starbucks and going out to dinner with her boyfriend - Urgh what a try-hard! Make sure you write something about how "real" you are because you can't afford don't want to get your nails done like the #Sheep

You're Projecting your own Negativity onto others

Someone is being mean to you so you'll be mean to someone else to make you feel better? Boyfriend messing you around? Someone at work wearing you down? Well Project that negativity onto other people and you'll feel better in no time! Start by finding someone you don't like. Maybe an ex-friend or an ex’s new girlfriend? Then start tweeting realllllllly subtle stuff about their physical appearance. Stalk their Instagram account for material or better yet get one of your friends to follow them for regular updates

You'll feel heaps better after spewing all that negative bullshit (which they probably won't even see or will laugh at with their friends)

You're Jealous of anyone doing better than you

That person on Instagram has a nicer car then you. Post an Indirect about how shit that make of car is. That person on Facebook is getting ALL excited about their wedding and you're alone. Post an Indirect about how boring marriage is. That girl you went to school with got a promotion. Post an indirect slating her hair/make-up/physical appearance - What an obvious WHORE. That girl’s boyfriend bought her another present and your boyfriend never buys you presents, quickly tweet about how fake and materialistic relationships are these days - you'll feel great!



Then pop over to see what your ex is doing, he's all loved up with his new girl! Urgh well he obviously still misses and thinks about you all the time so be sure to post loads of photos and quotes about how he's "downgraded" that'll soooo totally ruin their relationship and he'll come crying back to you right? It'll also reflect so well on you as a person, you won't look insecure or desperate at all...


All this passive-aggressive, bullshit negativity will make you feel heaps better about your situation, I swear! So make sure you post two or three times a day to get a reaction. If they don't confront you or write something back it’s obviously because they're too busy crying about how witty you are. Not because they're happiness is genuine and therefore they aren't bothered about your frankly pitiful digs. Make sure that you make zero effort to change your negative outlook on life or to better yourself. Instead dedicate ALL your time to commenting on other people, criticizing their every move this will allow you to cultivate a really healthy head-space and making you an absolute JOY to be around.

If they have a blog even better, everyone knows that Bloggers are self-obsessed, vain attention seekers, desperate to be liked by "selling their lives. None of this "they've experienced something and want to share it with others" Bullshit. After all no one actually ENJOYs writing do they? You are therefore more than qualified to vaguely diss the entire profession without proper awareness of what it entails. The literature profession is a dying trade isn't it? Arts? Media? Fiction and Non-Fiction Writing? Journalism? - They must all be attention seeking whores who need to be criticized by you and your 2 GCSE's. Besides, sometimes they get free stuff. Those bastards

Go forth and vent trolls. Spew the negativity. Post those Indirects. Let the bile spill forth. Watch your life blossom with jealousy and contempt. Because living a happy, drama-free life is for Idiots.



(This post is quite obviously 100% Sarcastic - If you recognise yourself in this then feel free to go and re-evaluate your life, maybe hug someone?)





1 comment:

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