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The best home facemasks

For a long time I was under the impression that you need to throw money at a cosmetic problem in order to get results. However, with the exception of my massive plastic tits, I now know this not to be true. You don't need to pay £43 for a hypoallergenic, emulsifying, bullshit goo. 

Here are my favourite homemade face masks

Lemon Juice and Egg White

The collagen and proteins present in egg white can improve skin tone and elasticity without the harsh side effects ingredients present in most commercial masks such as retinol and hydroxy acids. They also contain Vitamin A and are effective at reducing fine lines and wrinkles

It's not even rocket science either. Simply separate the white from the yolk, whisk up the white into a meringue-like consistency and add the juice of half a lemon before painting onto your face using a brush. I used a small paintbrush which I found in my fiances toolbox and which I prayed hadn't already been used for like bleach or white spirit. I left the mask on for a good 30 minutes before peeling it off and applying a moisturiser. The mask reduced my blackheads, tackled my oily areas and my skin now feels tight and smooth like a baby angels ass

Nutmeg, Milk and Honey

Similar to the above, basically just mix all these things together. Like 50mls of milk and a tablespoon of honey and a teaspoon of nutmeg. Nutmeg, as a microdermabrasion treatment is pretty much the dogs bollocks. It contains antioxidents, it's antibacterial and  it combats signs of aging. Whilst milk soothes skin irritation, removes dead skin cells and provides a moisturising element and honey provides a rich source of antioxidants, aids hydration and clarifies your pores 

This mask also smells really good, my face smelt really good all day. Like a fancy Dessert

Avocado and Honey

So Avocados have another use besides guest appearances in fancy Instagram brunch pictures. Who knew? Turns out that the hypoallergenic agents in Avocados help to maintain the membranes that surround skin cells reducing inflammation from things like Acne and Psorasis. They're also a great source of Vitaman E and C, protecting skin from UV damage and building collagen

Mash the living daylights out of a ripe avocado and add a spoonful of honey. Smear the goo all over you face, avoiding eyes, mouth and any other sensitive orifices. Leave for 20 minutes and don't forget you have it on when you answer the door... like I did... those Jehovah Witnesses wont be back in a hurry


So the next time you do a food shop, chuck these things in your basket. Chuck a bottle of wine in too because you just saved a fortune on fad facemasks my friend. Having tested all of these masks today in order to accurately recount thier qualities I can safely say that my skin has never felt better. I feel soft and refreshed, I have a great glow and I smell like a hippie teabag

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