Back in November I posted How to be a Girl on a Night Out - Part One for those of you who read and enjoyed Part one here is the eagerly anticipated second part. The list now covers every eventuality of a "Girls Night Out" from real experiences to observations so read on and cringe as you recognise your own personal experiences... breakdancing you say?
Step 11
Forget entirely your total inability to handle
your drink and start ordering Sambuca chasers with every cocktail resulting in
an early trip to the ladies loo and lopsided lipstick for the rest of the night
Step 12
Get into an argument with one of your friends
about whether she should be speaking to her ex boyfriend or not. Spend the rest
of the evening holding her bag and averting your eyes as she necks on with him
in the corner because at the end of the day you can’t let boys come between
friendships. Steal her lipgloss as payback. Deny all knowledge of said lipgloss
when questioned
Step 13
Realise the state of your hair as a result of
dashing from the cab to club in the rain. Attempt to take control of the
situation by backcombing the fuck out of it. Realise that backcombing is a
bad idea. Realise that drunken backcombing is an even worse idea. Give up. Cry
Step 14
Suddenly remember that you took a one hour breakdancing class when you were 13 and start rolling about on the floor in the
sticky patches and broken glass
Step 15
Sneak outside for a crafty “social cigarette”
with your friends because after all they don't count. Hold the cigarette with the very end of your nails and eat
seven mints afterwards to pretend it never happened. Sorry mum
Step 16
Glare at a girl you went to school with from
across the room even though you can’t remember why you don’t like each other.
Girl feuds don’t need to make sense
Step 17
Go and check your make up in the girls loos and witness the following scenes: A girl kneeling on the floor chundering up her strawberry woo woos. A girl screaming into her phone trying to locate her errant boyfriend. A model-looking girl waltzing about in front of the mirror taking selfies making the rest of you feel like ugly dwarves
Go and check your make up in the girls loos and witness the following scenes: A girl kneeling on the floor chundering up her strawberry woo woos. A girl screaming into her phone trying to locate her errant boyfriend. A model-looking girl waltzing about in front of the mirror taking selfies making the rest of you feel like ugly dwarves
Step 18
Fall down some stairs. Trip over something. Drop your drink. Flick your hair into someones eye. Slip on a wet napkin. Head-butt a light fitting. All inevitably in front of your exes new girlfriend
Fall down some stairs. Trip over something. Drop your drink. Flick your hair into someones eye. Slip on a wet napkin. Head-butt a light fitting. All inevitably in front of your exes new girlfriend
Step 19
Wave your drunkest sluttiest friend off home having been picked up not by a handsome stranger but by her irate mother in her Nissan Micra wearing her fleece dressing gown
Wave your drunkest sluttiest friend off home having been picked up not by a handsome stranger but by her irate mother in her Nissan Micra wearing her fleece dressing gown
Step 20
Promise yourself you won’t eat a grimy, disgusting kebab due to your devotion to your on-going bikini diet and fitness regime. Eat a kebab. And a large chips
Promise yourself you won’t eat a grimy, disgusting kebab due to your devotion to your on-going bikini diet and fitness regime. Eat a kebab. And a large chips
To everyone heading out tonight (girls and boys) stay safe and avoid the Sambuca chasers at all costs

This is hilarious! I just discovered your blog and I am loving that its something a little bit different to everything else out there. Great stuff!
ReplyDeleteSarah | www.nouvellenoire.co.uk
This made me giggle! Very funny! x
ReplyDelete