How to be a girl on a night out (Part Two)

Back in November I posted How to be a Girl on a Night Out - Part One for those of you who read and enjoyed Part one here is the eagerly anticipated second part. The list now covers every eventuality of a "Girls Night Out" from real experiences to observations so read on and cringe as you recognise your own personal experiences... breakdancing you say?

Step 11       

Forget entirely your total inability to handle your drink and start ordering Sambuca chasers with every cocktail resulting in an early trip to the ladies loo and lopsided lipstick for the rest of the night

Step 12       

Get into an argument with one of your friends about whether she should be speaking to her ex boyfriend or not. Spend the rest of the evening holding her bag and averting your eyes as she necks on with him in the corner because at the end of the day you can’t let boys come between friendships. Steal her lipgloss as payback. Deny all knowledge of said lipgloss when questioned

Step 13       

Realise the state of your hair as a result of dashing from the cab to club in the rain. Attempt to take control of the situation by backcombing the fuck out of it. Realise that backcombing is a bad idea. Realise that drunken backcombing is an even worse idea. Give up. Cry

Step 14

Suddenly remember that you took a one hour breakdancing class when you were 13 and start rolling about on the floor in the sticky patches and broken glass

     Step 15       

Sneak outside for a crafty “social cigarette” with your friends because after all they don't count. Hold the cigarette with the very end of your nails and eat seven mints afterwards to pretend it never happened. Sorry mum

Step 16 

Glare at a girl you went to school with from across the room even though you can’t remember why you don’t like each other. Girl feuds don’t need to make sense

Step 17   
  Go  and check your make up in the girls loos and witness the following scenes: A girl kneeling on the floor chundering up her strawberry woo woos. A girl screaming into her phone trying to locate her errant boyfriend. A model-looking girl waltzing about in front of the mirror taking selfies making the rest of you feel like ugly dwarves

Step 18       
Fall down some stairs. Trip over something. Drop your drink. Flick your hair into someones eye. Slip on a wet napkin. Head-butt a light fitting. All inevitably in front of your exes new girlfriend

Step 19       
Wave your drunkest sluttiest friend off home having been picked up not by a handsome stranger but by her irate mother in her Nissan Micra wearing her fleece dressing gown

Step 20
  Promise yourself you won’t eat a grimy, disgusting kebab due to your devotion to your on-going bikini diet and fitness regime. Eat a kebab. And a large chips

To everyone heading out tonight (girls and boys) stay safe and avoid the Sambuca chasers at all costs