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23.8.17

Tinder Gold - Reviewed



Launched in the UK in June, Tinder Gold is a subscription service add-on to the good old existing Tinder app which we all know and love. This service allows you to preview who has swiped right or "liked" your profile before you swipe them in a handy grid feature which piles up on the left hand side of your screen like a boy-buffet 

"'Think of it as your personal Swipe Right concierge - available 24/7 - bringing all of your pending matches to you. Now you can sit back, enjoy a fine cocktail and and browse through profiles at your Leisure" - Tinder 

The service also claims to get you in front of more users in less time and enables you to change your location so that if you are planning a trip you can pre-determine matches. Now, I don't exactly huddle in a corner knawing my fingernails in anticipation of a match every time I right-swipe but for some people it is genuinely nerve-racking to indicate interest in someone, even from behind a screen. So I gave it a go for one week to see how the new, improved and rather pricey addition to our digital dating world measures up. 


My Right-Swipers 

An old friends boyfriend - I'm going to go ahead and assume that they split up in the interim. Either that or he's even more of an arsehole then I suggested at the time of our friendship? 

Lots and lots and lots of old dudes. Serves me right for having my age range set between 26-48. Now I do love a Silver fox but I feel like a few of them may have been stretching the truth a little here. I'm pretty sure one of them had a zimmer frame in one of the shots but it may have been some sort of elaborate sex trapeze which I'm obviously too young and naive to know about 

Men that I know/have met in real life. Maybe it's just me but if I knew someone in real life and saw them on tinder I'd probably just drop them a Facebook message or a text or get a mutual friend to put in a good word. Remove the whole dating app element of the equation all together 

Men from my gym. I subscribe to the "Don't shit where you eat" rule, or in this case "Don't shit where you sweat." They obviously don't. As someone that briefly forgot this rule and had a disastrous liaison with a neighbour the last thing I want is inevitable awkwardness at the gym too. It's bad enough putting the bins out in the evening

A few of my Significant Exes friends. Now I probably would have been far too embarrassed to swipe right on these guys simply due to the connection. I'm going to go with the excuse that they probably didn't make the connection from me to him rather than that men have no bro-code... 

A very Non-Significant Ex that I loathe - I would love to say that this didn't make me rub my hands together like a bond villan but I'd be lying. The petty glow of satisfaction knowing that he'd right-swiped me didn't wear off too quickly. I basked in it so hard that I think I got mild tan

A guy that I had already pied off in real life. Glutton for punishment mate? 

Predominantly I was just getting a lot of likes from guys 200 miles+ away which doesn't surprise me as I live in town where there are a lot of people travelling in and out for business and leisure and good old pleasure



Overall The "who likes you" feature is the only interesting thing about the Tinder Gold subscription and this only works if you have a standard setting on who see's your profile and I much prefer having a hidden profile, shown only to those that I right-swipe. I'm dreading the next night out in my home town where I'll probably get recognised by a few people as "that up-herself bitch that didn't swipe back" - sincerest  apologies to my unwitting human lab-rats. Unfortunately the incentive of seeing who had swiped me first just isn't enough to warrant giving up the small amount of privacy I had afforded myself on the app. The Passport incentive wasn't really enough of a pull to me either as this is already available on Tinder Plus. I can see why this location change feature would be great for those of us moving about for work but I tend to stay in the same general area with the exception of when I went to Edinburgh and even then I quickly lost interest in my tinder matches once I'd stepped off the plane and spotted the nearest bar. Gin trumps men. Personally and from a purely female perspective I think paying £12.99 a month for this service for anything other than journalistic curiosity is a waste of money, stick to the basic service where at least the disappointment in our ever degenerating human race is at least free of charge



Have you tried Tinder Gold? What did you think? 

12.8.17

4 Dating Don'ts


So recently I started dating,  after being in a relationship for the past 4 years my short spell in the world of Tinder, Bumble and the bar at the Slug and Lettuce has been illuminating to say the least. I think the biggest thing that has changed since I was last single at the age of 22 is that I am willing to put up with a lot less when it comes to the behaviour of the opposite sex. Back then my self-esteem hinged on the attention of men whereas these days my life and career are so full on that I'm more selective with who is and who is not worthy of my time. I am by no means an expert but here are some things I have learnt so far as someone with an open mind and a low bullshit threshold



Don't read into anything

A guy can put in all the spadework, praise you, wine and dine you, introduce you to his friends, message you all day every day and then simply lose interest, find a "better" option or simply disappear. The phrase "too good to be true" rolls off my tongue all too often and yet I still find myself buying into the false representation some people choose to hide behind. At the end of the day there are no guarantees in dating, no one signs a contract to 100% be who they claim to be so always be prepared for this, no matter how much he may sell himself as "straight-forward Guy." A healthy level of scepticism is key to ensuring that you don't get hurt or at the very least minimising that hurt when it happens. Realism over Romance, sorry Shakespeare  


Don't overlook key signs

This one is rather contradictory to the previous point but bear with me. Remain vigilant for subtle changes in behaviour that would indicate a waning of interest or perhaps distraction with something or someone else. When presented with this behaviour and no reasonable explanation for it's occurrence, begin to prepare yourself mentally for what is to come. This will help to "cushion" the blow when or indeed if he eventually does the decent thing and ends it officially rather than choosing to simply "Ghost" you. It is far too easy for men to dismiss women as "crazy" or "mental" when they were simply left to join the dots together from the behaviour of someone too tragically afraid or skilfully deceptive to offer up closure. Far too many times I've had to council friends though situations where I've thought "take the fucking hint," but that's the thing - when you're in it you don't recognise those hints or you hope they're just your own insecurities instead of someone playing games 


Don't play games 

On that note. Don't play games, it's tedious for all concerned. How the person you date chooses to conduct themselves is ultimately up to them but you should always play it straight. Make your intentions clear to avoid wasting time with someone who is not looking for the same thing you are. Be clear with what you are looking for, open with how you feel and maintain integrity at all times. If you've reached a stage where you don't want them shagging other people then tell them. If you don't see it going anywhere then tell them. Most of us are never more than 30cm away from our phones and it can save someone a world of upset to literally spell out how you feel. I went on two dates with a wonderful guy that I unfortunately didn't connect with, a message explaining that to him saved him wasting time chasing me and freed him to persue someone on his wavelength. If the worst comes to the worst at the very least you can walk away from the situation knowing that you were truthful and that will help you to move forward 


Don't change yourself 

This one sounds obvious and yet it is so easy to fall into the trap of adjusting your behaviour or diminishing your emotions to align with what the person you are dating deems as desirable. I recently found myself dating someone who had me biting my tongue in an effort to appear "laid-back" when something had made me feel uneasy. The uneasiness manifested itself as anger and I lost my temper over something minor, which impacted on the connection we had built. This pitfall is especially hard to avoid if you develop strong feelings for someone very quickly - common sense goes out of the window. Ultimately, if you think something the person you're dating does is wrong then speak up, if you don't want to do something they suggest then don't do it. Do not live with the anger and resentment of having let someone else's comfort rank above your own self-worth and again you can walk away from the situation knowing that you were true to yourself. You should never have to adjust who you are for someone else's ease, no matter how much you like them




So there you have it, 4 things I've learnt so far. I'm sure that there will be more lessons to come. I'm enjoying the ride - No pun intended

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